Is this recovery? Fun artefact #1: Dissociation
Dissociation is not something I could ever name, or would be aware of happening to me until the last couple of years or so. Like many internal mechanisms that formed in childhood, it was completely obscure to me, an ingrained element of my emotional weather systems. The first time I became aware of it was … Continue reading “Is this recovery? Fun artefact #1: Dissociation”
for all that is inconvenient
I feel very intense and I want to make things. I feel so much desire and energy inside that wants to explode, get out. What then, if I don’t know what to do with it? Nothing I do feels quite right. What is it that I want to say? I want to say that I … Continue reading “for all that is inconvenient”
better safe than never
As I was reading this article (one of many trying to decipher the psychological impacts that living through a pandemic will have on us) a subtle sense of dissonance started growing in me. In the article, it is proposed that we might be feeling a painful sense of rejection due to the social distancing behaviours … Continue reading “better safe than never”
Listen | Sentry | A Minimum Wage Employee Named Ham
Ham is a minimum wage employee. You laugh! Why? He does have a silly name. He’s got a minimum wage job. What could his job be? Bartender, cashier, call centre worker? Does it matter? Be honest! Where did your thoughts go when you found out that Ham had a minimum wage job? I will tell … Continue reading “Listen | Sentry | A Minimum Wage Employee Named Ham “
birthday
It is my birthday today. I was meant to be off. I woke up in a panic, having remembered that I forgot to complete a work task the previous day that involved a patient who was at risk. I couldn’t do anything about it from home, so I went in to the office and sorted … Continue reading “birthday”
the barbican .
I went to London recently for a couple of days and visited the Barbican. I first moved to London in 2008 and the university I went to was close to the Barbican. I realise now that in all of my 10 years of living there I haven’t properly seen that place. It didn’t open up … Continue reading “the barbican .”
on that bombshell
By this ripe old age of 29 I like to believe I have learnt some stuff about my strengths and weaknesses. I mean, even if I just consider how many times I’ve had to answer this question in job interviews ranging from KFC to mental health work, not coming up with something would have been … Continue reading “on that bombshell”
Bratislava updated
Bratislava was sticking to the back of my thighs like a smooth wooden bar stool in the heat. It feels strange, going back to my hometown as a stranger. It’s stranger still to observe how ‘coming back’ is transforming into ‘visiting here’ as my confidence in knowing this place shrinks with time. I’ve been going … Continue reading “Bratislava updated”
call & response, cellophane & wire
I can’t quite remember why I joined the school choir, but it was probably because my friends were doing it. Marika néni, the choir leader decided I’ll sing with the sopranos, because I didn’t have any musical background and the mezzos always had the difficult parts, and I think she rightly assumed I wouldn’t be … Continue reading “call & response, cellophane & wire”
resin | move | Sheffield
March was filled with resin. The end of February marked the end of 12 months I spent training, studying and working. I had 3 weeks off before my next job started in a different city. I could finally rest; sleep without setting an alarm, spend some time home, watch Gilmore Girls and Rupaul’s Drag Race, … Continue reading “resin | move | Sheffield”
I thought ‘who the fuck is this aggressively dancing long haired guy’ and I turned around and it was you!
Apparently I am a Pisces and according to Sailor J my life skills include whining and glitter and I thought I should perfect at least one of these skills. It’s just not right to waste one’s special talents. The day started and somehow I was already late. I wouldn’t have to leave for work for … Continue reading “I thought ‘who the fuck is this aggressively dancing long haired guy’ and I turned around and it was you!”
softening: take II
This post was very different when I first wrote it. You might not be too interested in this detail, but it does illustrate my point. My intention was to write about softness, but the text turned into something that wasn’t very kind to me. Which nicely shows that being kind to ourselves can be very … Continue reading “softening: take II”
– to connect
Full disclosure: as far as I can figure what drew me towards psychology was the hope of acquiring some verbal and intellectual weapons. Commands like ‘be pragmatic’ and ‘stop being so emotional’ and ‘you’re too sensitive’ were regular lectures of my childhood. I was told emotions equal women equal weakness and the lessons really came … Continue reading “– to connect”
music without words, television sets
I get tired. I work; often more than 8 hours in a day. My kind of work means doing emotional labour; focusing on others, listening to them very carefully. Holding their feelings, sitting witness to their experience. Figuring out if people are safe, and finding ways to make them safer. There are big expansive moments … Continue reading “music without words, television sets”
beauty! but can I find you?
Elegant, beautiful people! I see you I observe you I look at you and I’m impressed. I’m inspired. I want to be stylish too. Have nice, organised clothes that are shiny or fluffy or furry or soft and occasionally metallic and full of colour or appropriately monochrome. A face with expertly applied paint. Shoes that … Continue reading “beauty! but can I find you?”
finsbury park is free
The thing about not having enough money is that you don’t want to think about it. This morning I was thinking what a nice day (despite Storm Doris blowing bits of London away) and I’ve got the day off and wouldn’t it be so nice to go for a coffee. I can have coffee at … Continue reading “finsbury park is free”
butwhylilo 