Is this recovery? Fun artefact #1: Dissociation

Dissociation is not something I could ever name, or would be aware of happening to me until the last couple of years or so. Like many internal mechanisms that formed in childhood, it was completely obscure to me, an ingrained element of my emotional weather systems. The first time I became aware of it was … Continue reading “Is this recovery? Fun artefact #1: Dissociation”

better safe than never

As I was reading this article (one of many trying to decipher the psychological impacts that living through a pandemic will have on us) a subtle sense of dissonance started growing in me. In the article, it is proposed that we might be feeling a painful sense of rejection due to the social distancing behaviours … Continue reading “better safe than never”


It is my birthday today. I was meant to be off. I woke up in a panic, having remembered that I forgot to complete a work task the previous day that involved a patient who was at risk. I couldn’t do anything about it from home, so I went in to the office and sorted … Continue reading “birthday”

the barbican .

I went to London recently for a couple of days and visited the Barbican. I first moved to London in 2008 and the university I went to was close to the Barbican. I realise now that in all of my 10 years of living there I haven’t properly seen that place. It didn’t open up … Continue reading “the barbican .”

on that bombshell

By this ripe old age of 29 I like to believe I have learnt some stuff about my strengths and weaknesses. I mean, even if I just consider how many times I’ve had to answer this question in job interviews ranging from KFC to mental health work, not coming up with something would have been … Continue reading “on that bombshell”

Bratislava updated

Bratislava was sticking to the back of my thighs like a smooth wooden bar stool in the heat. It feels strange, going back to my hometown as a stranger. It’s stranger still to observe how ‘coming back’ is transforming into ‘visiting here’ as my confidence in knowing this place shrinks with time. I’ve been going … Continue reading “Bratislava updated”

resin | move | Sheffield

March was filled with resin. The end of February marked the end of 12 months I spent training, studying and working. I had 3 weeks off before my next job started in a different city. I could finally rest; sleep without setting an alarm, spend some time home, watch Gilmore Girls and Rupaul’s Drag Race, … Continue reading “resin | move | Sheffield”

I thought ‘who the fuck is this aggressively dancing long haired guy’ and I turned around and it was you!

Apparently I am a Pisces and according to Sailor J my life skills include whining and glitter and I thought I should perfect at least one of these skills. It’s just not right to waste one’s special talents. The day started and somehow I was already late. I wouldn’t have to leave for work for … Continue reading “I thought ‘who the fuck is this aggressively dancing long haired guy’ and I turned around and it was you!”

softening: take II

This post was very different when I first wrote it. You might not be too interested in this detail, but it does illustrate my point. My intention was to write about softness, but the text turned into something that wasn’t very kind to me. Which nicely shows that being kind to ourselves can be very … Continue reading “softening: take II”

– to connect

Full disclosure: as far as I can figure what drew me towards psychology was the hope of acquiring some verbal and intellectual weapons. Commands like ‘be pragmatic’ and ‘stop being so emotional’ and ‘you’re too sensitive’ were regular lectures of my childhood. I was told emotions equal women equal weakness and the lessons really came … Continue reading “– to connect”

finsbury park is free

The thing about not having enough money is that you don’t want to think about it. This morning I was thinking what a nice day (despite Storm Doris blowing bits of London away) and I’ve got the day off and wouldn’t it be so nice to go for a coffee. I can have coffee at … Continue reading “finsbury park is free”